Tense situation in the subway, a confrontation over priority seating privileges in the train © Nick Karean

I read this post in a Reddit community forum where a man vented his frustration about older people expecting to be respected, even when they’re obnoxious to others. 

He opined, “I think this value is bull!” and added his rhetorical question in the platform, “Why should I respect the elders even when they don’t deserve it?”

Priority seating incident

It all began when an elderly man boarded a train and shouted at a young lady to get out of her seat so he could take it.

She was not even seated in the priority seat for the elderly, but the old man demanded the privilege of the seat anyway because he was old. 

The young lady was shocked by the old man’s reaction and quickly rose from her seat.

Promoting inclusive urban mobility © Dreamstime | Manuel Milan Checa

But priority seat or not, two questions arose in the forum comments section:

№1. Couldn’t the older man simply ask for the seat politely from the young lady?

№2. Are elderly passengers automatically entitled to public transportation seats, regardless of whether a younger person may need it more?

Priority seating privileges

As the priority seat is meant for older people, pregnant women, and people with disabilities, commenters stressed that younger people with ailments could also take the seat.

“No one knows the mental/physical conditions of the seated person. They could very well need the seat as well,” one young woman wrote, adding:

“I have endometriosis, which means excruciating period pains—usually managed with painkillers, but some days are just bad. I need that seat.”

A young woman sleeps on the train © Dreamstime | Kittisak Jirasittichai

 

Another wrote that just because someone looks more “physically fit” or younger, it doesn’t exempt them from being passengers who need the seat as well.

Respect is earned vs. Respect is given

The priority seat incident of this story was the breaking point for the man who complained in the forum, where he also emphasized:

“I respect everyone regardless of their age, and I accord them respect based on their attitudes and behaviors.”

He further explained the logic behind his reasoning:

 “Why is it that the elders are entitled to demand respect or disrespect younger people just because of their age?

Does it mean that I am entitled to disrespect kids who are younger than me? I think respect needs to be earned.”

After which, he ended his rant with this warning to older people:

“Don’t expect me to give you some kind of ‘age-exclusive’ respect. If you’re rude to me, I’m not going to be nice to you. Period!”

However, a couple of comments in response to this angry statement advised the man to show empathy and take a humble approach when faced with such people or situations. 

One individual advised:

“It is a social grace to give up your seat to those who need it more than you—not so much about whether you respect them or not. 

On the matter of respect, I find there is a lot to respect in most elderly people—not all of which they choose to show you.

I don’t see why it (respect) has to be earned. It doesn’t take much to be courteous to them or go a little out of your way to make life a bit more comfortable for them, even if they might not be so polite to you or dismissive of you because of your age. 

I mean, why be so calculative, right?”

Give Respect Earn Respect diagram on the blackboard © Dreamstime | Ognyan Chobanov

Another supported that comment, saying that it was more about empathy beyond respect, since older people endure a harder life and may suffer aches and pains that younger people generally don’t.

The most Stoic (wisest and virtuous) thing to do…

If an older man caught me by surprise and started shouting at me for not offering him the seat, I’d just stand up instead of arguing about it.

I may or may not get emotionally triggered, but I’ll just have to take a deep breath and maintain my composure, realizing his attitude is beyond my control.

It’s always wise to remain calm by understanding and accepting the nature of destructive forces, and seeing no virtue in reacting with anger or any negative emotion to setbacks, the behavior of others, or circumstances beyond our control, just like how a true Stoic would.

Moreover, I’d rather avoid causing a scene and getting involved in unnecessary drama like two children fighting over who gets to sit.

And though his communication approach may not be the most courteous or civilized, it wouldn’t be the right time and place for me to advise him otherwise, either. I’ll just have to be silent about it and move on.

Bystanders may also not fully understand the situation either, especially when all they see is a younger person confronting an older one.

The younger one will always get the flak for being rude and disrespectful, especially when it’s captured on camera and reposted on social media, giving the audience a one-sided story.

You’d probably also hear people telling you to calm down and that it’s okay to let it go because he’s just a helpless old man. 

You’re expected to lead by example and be the understanding one, and I agree to that. 

So like I said earlier, I’d rather be silent and just walk away. Take the high road, protect my own peace and leave it at that.

____________________ 

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