A man with clasped hands with the word narcissism, symbolizing deception © iStock | cagkansayin

When ego demands praise while silencing dissent, accountability is replaced while toxicity ascends. Narcissism is insecurity masked as confidence and control. 

Narcissistic leaders are self-absorbed and believe they’re entitled to superiority, while some are even seemingly “kind” in appearance. 

However, their dead giveaway is that they easily get emotional and become rather aggressive in the face of criticism or conflicting opinions, regardless of whether it’s constructive or not.

They’re inclined to validate their self-worth further by derogating others, lying, manipulating, gaslighting, and becoming abusive. It’s a mental condition they have little or no control over and can’t help being the way they are. 

If you’re a narcissist and happy with it, then this advice will be meaningless and useless to you. But if you’re not happy with it, then read on further and consider therapy to help you develop coping strategies.

And if you’re not a narcissist, but after reading this, you realize you have been practicing narcissistic leadership on others all this while, even if without realizing it, then now is always a good time to change, especially if it involves the mental and emotional well-being of others.

Listening: First competence of leadership

First and foremost, you must understand that leadership is also about being open to criticism, not just giving it.

You’ll grow to become a better leader when you’re ready to become a better listener, even if opinions from others conflict with yours.

Portrait of a businessman @ Freepik

If you digest opinions carefully, without allowing your ego to get in the way, you may find some gold nuggets to benefit you instead of just “blowing your top” by immediately reacting angrily to them.

“Listening (the first competence of leadership) is not a skill; it is a discipline. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut.”

PETER DRUCKER, AUTHOR

Learning to make it safe for people to tell you the truth

Feedback and suggestions from others, even an offer to help, including from your team members either in a group or from an individual, may not always be in the context of what you like to hear, but they can be constructive coming from people who care for what is right and for what is just.

If this makes you feel inadequate or less wise of a person simply because it came from your subordinates instead of your bosses, then you have a serious problem.

Portrait of a sad woman @ Freepik

 

Bosses, managers, or leaders instantly become toxic to themselves and others when they think they have the right to be stressed and angry with their staff to the point of causing emotional distress to them. This behavior, in return, also creates a toxic environment for everyone within the team.

And it certainly doesn’t help to build a team of “leaders” not to be petrified of accountability. Such toxicity is even disguised in the name of having a “vision” for their team’s growth.

“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.”

ANDY STANLEY, AUTHOR

In addition, organizational psychologist Adam Grant also says:

Leaders who fail to listen ultimately find themselves surrounded by silence.

You don't get chosen to take charge unless you give good answers. You won't be able to make change unless you ask good questions.

Learning depends on making it safe for people to tell you the truth. pic.twitter.com/uFAiUqVxyC

— Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant) November 30, 2021

6 Questions to Create Psychological Safety with Your Team Members by Jean Marie DiGiovanna, Renaissance Leadership Program Developer

Cult leadership never ends well

So, do give your staff a safe space and freedom to voice their concerns. Respect and value your team for sharing their ideas and advice. Always make time to resolve conflicts and practice utmost patience to clarify doubts. It’s part of the discipline of being an ethical leader.

Don’t intimidate and abuse your authoritative power to silence any of your team members while only welcoming praise and worship to feel glorified and victorious. Cult leadership never ends well.

Businesswomen @ Freepik

Freedom of speech applies to everyone, so work things out with your team amicably instead of silencing them or pressuring an individual to leave the organization simply because they questioned your questionable actions.

You may even be tempted to cover up such matters by making up an emotional drama with petty excuses to deviate from addressing actual problems and to portray yourself as an innocent victim, but you can’t fool everyone (including your bosses) forever. And that is certainly not a trait of a good, level-headed, and grounded leader.

“Learning depends on making it safe for people to tell you the truth.”

ADAM GRANT, ORGANIZATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST

Thinking styles and their consequences

If you think hard about it, as cunning as you may think you are in fooling and taking advantage of people, it’s really not worth it. You will eventually be exposed, and all your claims to be “transparent” and whatnot will prove otherwise.

In a worst-case scenario, you may lose your job and end up in jail. And you certainly don’t want to get abducted by some psychotic, revengeful staff ;  you know where that leads to and how it ends. As much as you wouldn’t want that, so does everybody else who wants to be treated kindly, with respect, and feel safe around you.

Therefore, it is crucial that you further take Adam Grant’s advice:

One of the clearest signs of learning is rethinking your assumptions and revising your opinions.

21 things I rethought in 2021: a thread... pic.twitter.com/ne7usTyTFn

— Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant) January 1, 2022

Hierarchy of Thinking Styles by Adam Grant, Organizational Psychologist

“One of the clearest signs of learning is rethinking your assumptions and revising your opinions.”

ADAM GRANT, ORGANIZATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST

Dark Empath Leader

Cult leaders are even more dangerous when they possess dark empathy. Dark empathy is related to narcissism as a part of the “dark triad” — the malevolent personality types of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.

Leaders.com states: “Unlike narcissists, who are traditionally known for being very low in empathy, dark empaths have a high ability to cognitively empathize for their personal gain.”

As mentioned earlier, if you really want to do something about such negative personality traits in yourself, therapy can help you develop coping strategies.

I wish you all the best. 

 

You can also watch or listen to the video version of this article below:

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